'Twas the Day After New Years
A Cautionary Tale.
'Twas the day after New Years and I was big as a house,
from the holiday food I had shoved in my mouth.
My stomach was swollen, at my butt people stared,
it expanded so much I couldn't fit in my chair.
My eyes became puffy, my cheeks they were round,
I grew two new chins as I packed on the pounds.
When back in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,
I rolled off the couch to see what was the matter.
The moon pies were stacked up all neat on the shelf,
and beside them sat cookies baked by small Keebler Elves.
There were big bags of Ruffles, plus Sun Chips and cheese dips,
boxes of Pop-Tarts and food that grows large hips.
When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
but a WeBeFit trainer holding exercise gear.
My knees started shaking, my stomach was a-flutter,
I don't enjoy change and I really like butter!
With abs that were rippled and muscles so cut,
I was ready to change and bust out of my rut.
BUT FIRST I have some more things I will try,
my friend has this cream I can rub on my thighs.
Then I'll strap on a belt for mild electric shocks,
as I stand on a platform that vibrates and rocks.
I'll put on some spandex and sweat to some tunes,
while swearing off cookies and dipped macaroons.
On Monday I'll work on my chest and my arms,
on Tuesday I'll get by on looks and some charm.
Wednesday I'll skip to watch shows on TV,
while Thursday and Friday will be exercise-free.
I'll never do legs, because it's really too hard,
do you realize how tough it is to move all this lard?
Every workout my chest and my arms I will pick,
who cares if I look like some pecs on a stick?
I'll eat nothing but grapefruit from morning to night,
while I detox and botox and put up a fight.
When I don't get my way I will yell, I will shout,
stomp my feet, shake my hands, hold my breath an pass out.
My form, it will suffer! My diet, how lame!
I do what I want and I don't play the game.
Progress won't happen, but I'm having fun,
Holy Crap, the scale now says I'm a TON.
I'm giving up donuts, skipping food on a stick,
I just want to look like my old Facebook pic.
Where is the pill that will tighten my butt,
firm up my back and help shrink my gut?
"Listen up" said the trainer, "I'll tell you how,
you can change and quit looking like an overfed cow.
When you're all done with your self-will run riot,
when you finally decide that it's time to be quiet.
When you listen and follow the advice that I give,
I'll teach you to sweat and you'll learn how to live.
There is nothing magic, no pill, drink or potion
Just a lot of hard work and dietary devotion."
He walked out the door and jumped up on his bike,
but not before scheduling a session that night.
Then I heard him proclaim as he shifted his gear,
"Merry Fitness to all and a Happy New Rear!"
Note: This poem is copyright 2010 by WeBeFit.com. It is free to distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact. All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc. should be made to WeBeFit.com. Happy Holidays!
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